Solve Me.

Solve Me.
I'm a million different faces.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I'm Scared, Who's Not?

People who claim they know me would say I’m confident, bubbly, witty and just about every word with a similar meaning. I take it as a compliment, really. I must be THAT good in acting that they never noticed how scared I can actually get.. How a pussy I actually am. There, I said it. I’M SCARED. I’m scared of how big my dreams are. I’m scared of where my incapacitates could take me. I’m scared of being too happy. I’m scared of being too sad. I’m scared of people who expect too much. I’m scared of people who don’t expect anything. I’m scared of telling the truth. I’m scared of lying. I’m scared of whoever’s reading this. I’m scared of people who care too much. I’m scared of people who don’t care at all. I’m scared of being myself. I’m scared of being to be someone else. I’m scared of failing people. I’m scared of pleasing people. I’m scared of rejection. I’m scared of how long this list could get. I’m scared of my family. I’m scared of my friends. I’m scared losing. I’m scared of gaining. I’m scared of falling in. I’m scared of falling out. I’m scared of getting busted. I’m scared of hiding. I’m scared of how I always think too much. I’m scared of myself.

It took a great deal of courage for me to actually say that.

Now, I’m scared.

This is a Mistake

Today, I realized that the biggest mistake I’ve been making in my life is being too afraid to make one. That explains why pressure has always been my best friend. Too often, I set limits so high for myself that I forget about being human. I forget about having feelings. I forget why I even try. My fear of making mistakes has reached a state so crucial that I punish myself whenever I commit a slight, unnoticable flaw. I always perspire my ass out over something while making sure everything’s perfect. One petty defect and boom! I feel like I failed everyone —- especially myself.

I feel like I can’t continue doing this but I’m too scared that stopping this might also be another mistake.