Solve Me.

Solve Me.
I'm a million different faces.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Win's Over?

I miss you. :D

That's how he typed it exactly. I'm uncertain if he means it or he's just playing around, but I took it the way I want it -- yes, he must've meant it. Lying to myself, I said the exact same thing and voila! Just like last summer, I'm playing the game I was never good at. 

He's winning. He always wins. From the time I've met him where he won my heart instantly to the very second he won me over some sugar-coated words, I've always hated him for winning too much. Too much of me, that is. 

He's cunning. Very cunning. His moves are unpredictable and they're not fair for an already-in-love-with-him young lady. His smiles are a strategy that has this force that somehow pushes me to let him win. Those eyes. Cliche as it may sound but they're designed to be perfect enough for one to be consumed with just one glance. His words.. Oh, those words. Damn, another strategy! They create a symphony that drives me to lose focus.

I have to win.
I have to win.

But then again, 

I'm giving in. His smile, his eyes, his words.. With the whole universe, they're conspiring against me. I fall, I'm consumed. Unconsciously, I'm conspiring against myself too


How long will I keep on losing?

Good Night. :} 

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Damsel in Distress

In my seventeen years of existence, I've felt love at its best.. Or at least I think I have. Did I? 

Being in an age where an 'oh-my-gosh-having-a-boyfriend-is-so-awesome-and-you-should-have-one' maxim is the guiding principle, it is but consuming to accept the fact that I am a loser when it comes to this fad. I have no complaints about being single. really. I am happy with the way things are in my life. But I cannot deny that coping up with the pressure of having to find someone who they say will 'complete you' is a Herculean job. People try to instill in my mind that if I really want to enjoy my youth, I have to have a boyfriend. 


But what if I want to be the so-called 'damsel in distress' who'll wait for her hero to save her from wrath of the tower's dragon? What's wrong with that? While everyone's busy jumping off their towers and being the ones actually looking for their heroes, I want to be that lass who sits patiently because she knows that the best for her is yet to come. Feeling the dragon's fury, I want to count the days before my hero comes running in some fancy horse or a silly costume. I want to enjoy the thrill of waiting and constantly wondering if my hero will indeed arrive. I long to endure with the fact that I am the only one waiting in her tower.


And at the most unexpected circumstance, he will arrive. 

PS I am not sour graping. This is just a message for those who are pressured to jump off their towers. 
You're beautiful, you don't deserve to jump. You deserved to be rescued. 

A Thousand Diamonds Strewn

Everyday I force myself to believe that life, even with all its perplexities and imperfections, has its reasons I have to compel with. 

Understanding the way destiny works its wonders everyday is harder than picking out the best coffee to go with my bagel. I've been going through the hurdles of coming up with the perfect reason for its queerness for as long as I can remember yet I still can't say that I've mastered its ins and outs, its jumps and falls --- and I don't think I'd be able to do that at all. Unfortunate, I call myself sometimes since devoting time and effort to actually fathom life's cunning motives may be a 'waste'. It is. No one can really explain the beauty in life's irony but Him yet I still search for answers I know I won't find. It's consuming yet fulfilling. It's draining yet inspiring. 

I struggle. I search. I delve. 
Call me peculiar, I don't really care.

Curiosity kills the cat but it can also bring the tiger back to life.